Holiday Rocket Special

The Corruption Begins: Part I: Section A

Many people have wondered…”what’s inside the mouth of madness?”, that deep abyssal plane that consumes all of us. As we all know, there is much to fear in everyday life, but no one has had the privilege or the ability to walk through the looking glass and jump through hoops for satan while being tortured in countless ways, except for Pinocchio, the Wooden Noseman.

Poor Pinoccio, always such a good wooden boy, always such a free spirit. As we know the world today, with its evilish ways, it was far worse back when he was a young lad. Nearly every child was most certainly forbidden the time to reflect on the way things were going in one’s life, let alone allowed to think for themselves.

But very few lives were as terrible or deprived as young Pinocchio’s. Born and raised by the evil Gepetto, an evil toy maker who pimped out the Noseman’s poor, innocent sisters while performing the most sinister and unspeakable acts to all the children that he kept locked up in cages converted from cupboards. Eager to get his revenge on Gepetto, the children devised a plan for the demise of the evil puppter molester.

One night during a thunderstorm, Pinocchio managed to squeeze his way out of the callused, bloody hands of the drunken-shitfaced Gepetto and grabbed the keys off his belt. He gracefully leaped off his desk and one by one let each of the children and puppets out of their tiny cages. They all got out into the streets that night after mangling, ripping the fingernails off and slicing his toes off…and eventually eating him. They were free to go at last, ready to start living normal lives again. Out into the streets they went, to seek the good life…out in Detroit in the cold winter of 1919. The year after heroin became illegal.

It took him a couple of days, but the starving Pinocchio discovered what appeared to be an abandoned building. Hopefully, he thought he’d found sanctuary away from the bitter cold wind outside. To his astonishment, he was not alone… There were three junkie rabbits, a pimp wolf named Zaire and a whore of a cat names Felicia who was feverishly addicted to cocaine. But things didn’t smell quite right. After about four years, he decided to on to better and brighter things. Although he was doing rather well on his own, climbing the social ladder of crime, starting from the level of a  humble dealer, he decided to become an undercover for the Detroit PD. He even went on to star in what eventually became the first silent pornagraphic feature film, “Pinocchio Meets Raggedy Ann.” The film’s producers insisted that the leading lady should sit on the wooden boy’s face while shouting, “Tell a lie, tell the truth, tell a lie…” But due to the fact that his nose wouldn’t go down after one long night of shooting, he was sent to the hospital and soon after his porn-star days were numbered. He was then replaced by Mickey Jo-Jo, a stunt double look-a-like. But as we were saying, there were brighter and much more proper things for Pinocchio to go on to achieve in his slowly decaying life.

Soon after leaving the red light district behind, the “Noseman” enrolled at Columbia University to earn his teaching degree in Socio-economics to teach upper-poor, unwell-to-do children. But soon after he was granted his teaching license, things started to go awry. He soon started getting too close to the children, not in a perverted or child molesting sort of way; he knew that was wrong. He started noticing a faint, bitter smell. Something that was familiar: the smell of fresh narcotics delivered on a bright and sunny monday morning.

Pinocchio tutored Harley, the boy who he was absolutely sure was having heroin delivered to him every monday. Pinocchio grew increasingly more anxious and rabid at the thought that one of his brightest students was having narcotics sent to him ever so frequently. After 3 weeks of knowing his ordeal, or atleast having a great suspicion that this ordeal was underway, Pinocchio, the head of Grabolte Tech School’s Socio-economics department, went on a quest to find the hidden stash. After a fiendish nervous breakdown, Pinocchio insisted that Harley tell him where the drugs were hidden or else he’d have him reported to the narcotics bureau of Detroit at once. The boy kept on insisting his teacher was mistaken and that the smell which he had confused for nacotics was indeed actually the smell of the vitamin factory down the street. The bitter smells of certain vitamins were reminiscent of dope. But he didn’t care, he knew the smell quite well. Harley insisted that he stop before his teacher grabbed the boy by his collar and threatened to throw him over his 3rd floor balcony. Pinocchio didn’t listen and by picking him up and biting a large hole in his throat, he tossed him over the balcony, without even contemplating his actions for a second.

He found it. A kilo of pure heroin. Within about 10 minutes, he consumed nearly a quarter of the fine tan powder. What was he going to do about the boy, his beloved student who was on his way to becoming the valedictorian of the sleazy scummy school that was Grabolte Tech High. What had he done? It was supposed to be his job to help kids in need, not to kill them by throwing them over balconies and biting out their throats. “Oh well,” he sighed. He had to do what was right in order for him to live with what he had done. So, he went out and pushed dope for about… say six months. Until he ran into Zaire, the mega-drug lord wolf of his wretched past.

To be continued…